If the first thing to enter your mind was "graphical interface of a globally-connected hypermedia system," don't waste your time reading another word. You are hot, state-of-the-art, wired, as they say.
If, however, your first thought was of sticky, spindly, strands snaring your hair, and felt an urge to whisk your hands across your face and shivered at the never-to-be-forgotten sensation of a many-legged creature scurrying down your neck...well, perhaps you'd better catch up on some current "connected" vocabulary, hereafter known as "Webabulary."
And by the way, in Webabulary, acronyms count (possibly double). Also, note: the definition of "current" in our Web lexicon is right now, as in today. Not yesterday; not last month. Don't look for these meanings in your dictionary, unabridged or not, with an ancient 1994 copyright. Frightening, isn't it? Yes, well, there's not a Webbie among us who hasn't experienced a moment of "It's hopeless! I'll never be able to keep up!" at one time or another (in fact, many such moments—get used to it).
For those of you who didn't have "...globally-connected hypermedia system" on the tips of your tongues, and wouldn't really know what that meant if you did, put simply, the Web (a.k.a. the World Wide Web) is a series of computer software protocols and programs which allow information to be displayed graphically on any computer which is connected by phone, satellite and/or cable lines linked to various Network Access Points (NAPs) of supercomputers or regional Internet access providers around the world.
So! Now that we have that simplified, <g>* let's see how your Webabulary rates with a little "It Pays to Enrich Your WEB POWER" quiz:
1.) HTML – A: Hot Tamale Made for Love. B: Haughty Technocratic Monster Linguistics. C: How To Make Lasagna. D: Hypertext Markup Language. E: Computer/Internet/Web stuff is bogus and I'm not interested.
2.) Yahoo – A: Member of a brutish race in Gulliver's Travels. B: A high-volume expression used at rodeos. C: A person wearing a cowboy hat. D: The Internet's most popular search engine.
3.) Search engine – A: Web-crawler, robot or worm. B: Radar device designed to link up with satellites orbiting the earth and used to track down capsized sailboats and lost hikers. C: Lycos. D: Everything except B.
4.) Download – A: Dumping your problems on a naive innocent. B: The instance of reaching the kitchen counter a moment before a grocery bag holding the discount jumbo jar of mayonnaise completely splits. C: Donating your 286 system to Goodwill. D: The act of staring at "5%...13%...17%...21%..." on a computer screen while an empty rectangular outline is incrementally suffused.
5.) Spam – A: Something you wouldn't feed to your dog. B: Something you would feed to your dog. C: A paste-like substance buried with Egyptian royalty for nourishment in the next life. D: Gumming Internet addresses with thousands and even hundreds of thousands of useless, tasteless advertisements, rumors and general dross.
6.) Flame – A: By-product of stashing matches in the pocket of tight-fitting polyester pants. B: Sparks have been known to ignite when one encounters an old one. C: The condition of active, blazing combustion. D: A characteristic of online group-hysteria, often linked to high levels of testosterone (judging by what I've seen), when a person, site, or site aspect (such as, blinking text) is vilified and generally abused by email messages.
ANSWERS (& COMMENTARY)
1.) HTML – If you chose A: Hot Tamale Made for Love, please boot up, get online and try http://www.hotmamas.com; for those who circled C: How To Make Lasagna, you might try http://www.prego.com; and you Lilliputians out there choosing E: I'm not interested...well, take heed of the words spoken by the great Jedi, Yoda: "You will be." Mega-hits go to the Web-savvy nerds selecting D: Hypertext Markup Language.
2.) Yahoo – To any who chose A: Member of a brutish race in Gulliver's Travels—What do you think you're reading, The New Yorker? If you answered B or C, well...half-right. Those who correctly responded D: The Internet's most popular search engine, go ahead—throw your virtual ten-gallon up in the air and let out a high- volume utterance!
3.) Search engine – Those who circled D: All of the above may collect your winner's trophy, a Freeware Robot, at http://cuiwww.unige.ch/metaindex.html (although I do think B is a rather good idea).
4.) Download – Please update your data banks if you picked A or C; though excellent choices, these answers are synonymous. D: The act of staring at 5%...13%...17%...21%...on a computer screen...would be the more industry-agreed-upon (and -lamented) definition.
5.) Spam – If you responded B: Something you would feed to your dog, surrender yourself to the ASPCA immediately! The correct answer is D: Gumming Internet addresses with...general dross. Note: denizens of Netiquette consider "spamming" to be highly moronic and rude.
6.) Flame – You probably aced this quiz if you chose D: A characteristic of online group-hysteria... and possibly took umbrage at the implications in "...linked to high levels of testosterone..." Please do try to squelch any urge to initiate a flame harangue, however; I've already got ample stores of Spam...and baloney. Thank you. <gd&r>**
*denotes a grin in online symbolistics
**grinnin', duckin' & runnin'!