Dear Santa,

I hate to sound cranky, but it’s been years since I’ve gotten what I really want for Christmas. Do me a favor? Just read the suggestions provided this month by Fishgirl in WWWiz, okay? Thanks, dude!

Your friend,

Bill Gates

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Scorpios never get enough music CDs from their friends and admirers because people tend to buy them sexy boxers or racy lingerie. I wonder why? ;^)

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Secret Sag desire: cowboy boots. Get them some turquoise jewelry, too. Complete the look with a harmonica and some tickets to a rodeo.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Hmmm...most Cappies already have a lifetime subscription to the Wall Street Journal ...perhaps something Mickey to bring them back to their inner child...or maybe it’s better to let someone else figure it out.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Give your Aquarian an Astrology reading, some low-cost airline tickets and some otherworldly fudge made by monks in a real monastery—no kidding! Then ask them to give you the same.

PISCES (February 19-March 20): With a name like Inner Focus, you know your Fish will love these gift baskets.Too pricey? Try some nifty socks and their favorite part of the gift: a greeting card with sentimental words expressing your appreciation of them. This works for male and female fishes. Trust me on this!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your Aries will go wild for anything from L.L. Bean—as long as it’s red! Computer games are a good choice, too, as are vintage collectible toys like these Barbie dolls & action figures.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Shopping for Taurus is easy: good food rules! Splurge on a fresh lobster, a nice bottle of wine and some "How tacky—I love it!" cheeseballs, just for fun.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21): Geminis will cherish having unique bookmarks to stick inside their favorite books. Send flowers but make sure they’re an unusually exotic variety and write your card in Latin.

CANCER (June 22- July 22): What Crab could resist some ergonomically correct hand-crafted furniture to snuggle up in with a cup of coffee while wearing a NASA T-shirt and waiting for Santa to drop down the chimney?

LEO (July 23-August 22): Everyone knows a Leo who loves golf. Everyone knows a Leo who likes gold jewelry. Everyone knows a Leo who likes classic film videos. So why do they always get neckties and blowdriers for Hanukkah presents? Go figure!

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Buy the Virgo guy or gal a pair of dungarees and a groovy T-shirt, and a hat for their dog. That’s right, the hat is for their dog. Don’t ask!

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Touch the hearts of generous Librans with a gift that keeps on giving: Fruit for Charity. For the techno-geek who has everything you can find—chocolate computer diskettes, among many other computer-related gifts at this cool site.